It's all on the table.

Today we all had to give a talk about stuff we like collecting. I decided to show off two of my favourites, because I'm pretty diverse in what I like. First thing was to be the film I scratch from the roof of my mouth, which I always put in a vegemite jar of a morning. Mum taught me that one as a child, big fat finger poking around, sharp nails, burning scratches. "Sure beats gettin damn scurvy" she'd say. She never did tell me what scurvy was. But she was usually right, so I still put it on my chafe to this day. She said good of it for chin rot, but I never did try that one.

The other thing was a shopping bag full of stuff I used to steal from mum's handbag. Cotton balls stinking of nail polish remover. Tampon wrappers and applicators. A compact mirror wih lipstick smudged all over it. Supermarket dockets. Half tubes of vagisil. Empty ring cases. Airline butter and biscuit packets. Carpet cleaning vouchers. Boy did I have some fun with that stuff. While the other kids talked about their meccano and magic robot, I was starting a lifetime hobby of making old people out of this stuff, joining them with flour and water onto dunny roll tubes, kleenex boxes and old vegetables from the bottom of the fridge. But I don't dare get this stuff out if I hear Old Blueshoes getting around...she's always up to no good...snooping in my room. I'll be catching her soon, I know what she's looking for, sneaky old rice eyes.