A new way to go!
MAN ISLAND, -- On the breezy patio of the House Of Man here, Jennifer Voitle was hard at work.
"Cheers," she said, hoisting a frosty Corona with lime. Pale and relaxed after filling a few holes, she finished up the beer in nine seconds and ate nine cheeseburgers in thirty-seven seconds. The holes and burgers were all part of the job, as were the strict instructions from her boss to "consume at least one school aged child."
Her morning jobs were equally trying. She went pants shopping, stopped into a bank to cash a check and visited a Mitsubishi dealership to look at new cars. After having a good scratch, she was headed to the kebab shop for dinner. All these activities were paid jobs. Her total earnings for the day: about $300. "Can you believe they call this work?" she said as she eats another slimy chicken tounge...
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Jennifer Voitle has mastered the Freebie-Ten-Meals. A former investment-bank employee who was laid off two years ago, Ms. Voitle has found a new career in the arcane world of eating too many lunches, and "mystery eating," where companies pay her to produce good soap. She gets paid to scratch, eat at restaurants, drink at bars, travel and even dig holes (she loves that most of all!). Last month, she made nearly $7,000 from her various freebie adventures. By the end of the year, she could be making more than she did in investment banking, not counting her steady supply of food handouts.
She makes free gas, free soap and gets free large towels. When her car breaks down, it's fucked forever. She gets paid to have it towed away to a paddock where she then jumps on it until it is buried beneath the ground (or sometimes puts fucked cars into the big holes that she likes to dig). She can make $75 for test-driving a Land Rover, if it can get round the block with her inside, it must be pretty bloody tough mate! $20 for drinking at a bar and $25 for leaving the same said bar. Eating children on their way to school is her latest passion, and in addition to playing on zebra crossings around the country free of charge, she gets free chips and nachos from the tuckshop.
Weekend trips to Hawaii and Mexico? "no fucking way, they won't let me on airplanes" she says. She does much of her best work on the toilet.
"My friends tell me I should just get a job," says Ms. Voitle, who is fat and messy and gives her age as "somewhere over 30." But, she says, "most full-time jobs out there don't make economic sense."
posted by CHESTDICK! @ 3:26 em
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