It's all on the table.

Today we all had to give a talk about stuff we like collecting. I decided to show off two of my favourites, because I'm pretty diverse in what I like. First thing was to be the film I scratch from the roof of my mouth, which I always put in a vegemite jar of a morning. Mum taught me that one as a child, big fat finger poking around, sharp nails, burning scratches. "Sure beats gettin damn scurvy" she'd say. She never did tell me what scurvy was. But she was usually right, so I still put it on my chafe to this day. She said good of it for chin rot, but I never did try that one.

The other thing was a shopping bag full of stuff I used to steal from mum's handbag. Cotton balls stinking of nail polish remover. Tampon wrappers and applicators. A compact mirror wih lipstick smudged all over it. Supermarket dockets. Half tubes of vagisil. Empty ring cases. Airline butter and biscuit packets. Carpet cleaning vouchers. Boy did I have some fun with that stuff. While the other kids talked about their meccano and magic robot, I was starting a lifetime hobby of making old people out of this stuff, joining them with flour and water onto dunny roll tubes, kleenex boxes and old vegetables from the bottom of the fridge. But I don't dare get this stuff out if I hear Old Blueshoes getting around...she's always up to no good...snooping in my room. I'll be catching her soon, I know what she's looking for, sneaky old rice eyes.

P.S.

Oh! I almost forgot to mention Stanley.

Why did you do bad?

Last week I released my new Hunter-Bee. With this bee I will be the envy of all governments. The bee can travel inside drinks. I have great plans for the future of bee-drinks...
so what of it? what of the governments and their secret hideaways? Fat politicians leaving their children out playing with goats in the driveway...
. The world has gone to the dogs, or as Uncle Russ once told Mummy "...they're all fannys like yours granny!... harr harr harr..."
All these plans I have, they all lead to the same ends. Gender is a mess, we have to fix it. Children are born wrong, Uncle Russ was a beautiful baby before the Amazing Wemble Brothers took him away... The circus will be in town in five months time. For the occasion, the elephants are fed on Wild Drip, keeps 'em friskey. Russ always stays in a small blue tent down near Tingalpa Creek, there he may be found whittling Santa Clauses for the children.It's horrible what society has done to the circus. Hardly anybody hangs around after the show to get to know the midgets. They love a bit of attention, sadly, I feel that time is slipping away. It may soon be too late to make a difference. I spread all my plans out in the hall. They form a pattern. Someone is knocking at my front door. Who could it be at this hour? "Mama?"

........tell anyone and you're dead........

My clothes stink like vitamins today. Good thing I dont need 'em, cos its air-out day. Gonna batter myself up in fishpaste and have some young girls sponge it off me. I dont do it on purpose, but its hard to explain yourself when the only word that comes out of your mouth is 'mama'. Good thing I keep a bag packed under the bed, best way for a quick escape when the chinese girl starts singing from down the hall. "eeeeeeyyeyyeyeyeyeeeeeeeeeeeodnyawalampah" what a fuckin tard.
Thats not the only thing I keep under my bed............

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN

Well to start WITH have you ever seen......
a 70 year old german lolly pop lady whore rubbing sausage in an in sexualy promiscuous way,fornicateing those kranskiez in here family tradition...well i have...
Have you ever see an indian man get raped by a fat black women gaged with a plastic bag over his head and tied up, she brings out the mustard and goes for glory.. all that black fat and mustard flying around, is enough to make a grown man cry and a indian man smile...
Have you ever seen a jewish scientist wank off a frog...i have....it sure was....

Have you ever seen a man shit pancakes welll i havent but it sure was.......

Oh boy! My leg it gets so, so lonely uncle Russ...

That's where it all goes.
You can never, ever compare it.(the dick-end is a strawberry, the sack extends outward, like a wing...)
Like the first time that love is made,(see also "The Jesus-Leg Factor" -more on that one very soon!)
like the filthy stuff it is made of.(layers of lung-fat coated in fresh cream and topped with apple-pips)
The oats, the cornflakes sprayed around like a confetti wedding of dick-pops...(mummy, who keeps popping all my dicks...?)
How many more good men must we lose to the intolerence of the bad gender?
You know what gender I mean, the one which wipes both it's bums when it pisses. Who thought of that anyhow? Which mastermind blueprinted the double-piss?
I imagine a future;
50% of gender, strapped to buckets so that we can keep the forests.(keep the wilting plants that hide the wobbly-arsed children whom are lazily wanking & trying to re-invent the rainbow. -it's made of rain you dickheads!) A world full of half-full poo trenches, and the flies will buzz like an orchestra of bees to the anal trumpets of the morning thunder-curries. (those dogs with buckets strapped to their heads? It's the universal sign that nobody cares what you can see anymore)
Only a full examination of all the important things will save this world. Let's start with going to the circus.
Let's start by finding uncle Russ and bringing him home...